Sunday, January 31, 2010

Let's Build a Home

Yesterday we spent hovered over apartment listings online, while I made phone calls and watched my inbox.

We went to the hardware store for paint after a stressy afternoon.

We have appointments to see two apartments later today.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

New pad?

When I went house-hunting with my parents as an eight year old, I hated it; it was boring, and seemed to embarrass my mum and dad. They had never bought a house and couldn't really afford to. How strange it felt to go out with Tim last night to meet up with a man we'd never seen to look at a basement suite that might be our home. I had to play the adult, asking about utilities, painting, the laundry facilities; proving we were responsible and wealthy enough to make our payments, lying about my age. I've never been apartment shopping for myself before, but I wasn't embarrassed. I was only choked at the challenge of making the suite cozy and livable.

It's ugly, huge, and cheap. The carpet isn't tacked down, paint has soaked into unprimed patches on the walls, the windows are tiny, the sink is sausage-colored porcelain, the lights are dim, the switch plates feature Mickey Mouse. It needs paint, new lino, lots of halogens, some fresh air. But there's a backyard we could plant tomatoes, peppers, and poppies in, there's a room for Tim's tools, and a room for my desk. There's a gas stove. There's a month of free rent to paint if we take it.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Paradise Lost Book 1 For Children - by Tobin Thompson and Lizzie Derksen

Far below your house, or your school, or your park
There is a place so nasty even fire is dark.

It seems too unpleasant for even a louse
Yet a whole host of angels made it their house.

There they had sat for eight days plus one
Needless to say, it wasn’t much fun.

Of all the cherubs great and small
One named Satan was the biggest of all.

In a fiery lake that went sizzle and blub
Floated great Satan and his friend Beelzebub.

Satan groaned, “I do not like this fiery pit
And I cannot stand this lake to sit.

Let’s get out of the lava and move to that rock
There I will try to wring out my sock.

What did we do to deserve such a fate?
Al l we tried to do was blow up God’s gate.

That lord above thinks himself so bold
But I think he’s as great as this place is cold.

We fell from a town that was golden and shiny
But now we spend all of our time looking grimy.

He thinks he’s so great with his pomp and his glory.
Well I’ll show him, I’ll make him feel sorry.”

Beelzebub sniveled, “But he threw us down here.
Maybe we do have something to fear.

How can we fight from this fiery hole?
It’s so dark down here that I feel like a mole.

Perhaps it’d be best if we just surrendered
I’m sure he’d remembered our services rendered.”

But Satan yelled, “If we are weak we are worms!
God is God – he doesn’t have germs.

Why are you so worried about warring?
I think you’re beginning to sound a tad boring.

I look like leviathan – I’m grand and I’m huge
Don’t you think we’ll go places with you as my stooge?

We will make God’s gold turn rusty and black
We will make God’s angels angry and fat.

We will mess with God’s earth and the new creatures on it.
We will make him feel bad, and put bees in his bonnet.

So let’s call our dazed friends up out of the lake
They'll come help us, we'll party, and then we'll eat cake.”

“If they hear your voice, O chief of chiefs
I’m sure they’ll come with shouts and leaps.”

Beelzebub said this, he meant every word
And Satan began calling out names absurd:

“These are the demons that will walk on the globe
Plenty of horrors their titles will bode.

Come Moloch, come Tophet, come Gehenna and Chemos,
On Baalim, on Ashtaroth, Osiris and Orus!

Come my minions, let’s not be dour!
This could be our finest hour!

Let’s take this cave all dusty and old
And make for ourselves a city of gold!”

With this idea the demons let out a roar
That shook the earth right to the core.

Mammon said, “I’ll mine the gold as well as I’m able”,
“And I’ll build the hall”, said crafty Azazel.

[Under the command of able Azazel
The hall was built faster than the tower of Babel.]

They dug in the ground and made rooms of metal
A place almost as pretty as Heaven to settle.

But when they finished the city it was too small
So they made themselves bitty to fit in the hall.

Then delighted demons discovered Pandemonium
Sounded a lot like a clear sweet euphonium

As a breath like a thousand voices blew in
Around the Doric pillars in their assembly of sin.

Once inside they made up their plan
To best their lord God as best as they can.

Sitting like pygmies now glowing and clean,
They sat in a circle to plot out their scheme.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


There is nothing wrong with beginnings. The new year coincides with a new semester here in Canada and the adoption of new habits seems natural, and the change is hopeful. The pleasure of Christmas gifts, especially new books and new clothes, is always the promise the objects carry for beginning a charmed life.

This year I would like to practice feeding myself. Since I began recovering from bulimia I've made great strides - for over a year I felt nauseous every time I ate, no longer - but it has only been during the past month that I have known when my body needed food, what it needed, and how much to put in. I cannot remember consistently noticing, recognizing, or responding to hunger until I was 17, except when I was attempting to starve myself and noticed with pleasure and responded by drinking a glass of ice water.

For quite some time, I was really sick. I scanned books about recovery from eating disorders in order to learn tricks, I searched youtube for anorexia videos and drooled over emaciated photos.
I had sores in my throat, chalky teeth, and a horror of food.

Yesterday I kindly poured myself a bowl of cereal for breakfast. I had a hot bath, put on cigarette jeans and a soft shirt, put my hair up. I packed tea, water, fruit, and cookies to eat at school, and when I came home at in the early afternoon I drank warm milk and ate a mandarin orange while I sketched. Two hours later Tim and I had a Liberte yogurt tasting, and a piece of homemade bread. There was a pear, and more homemade bread with butter and garlic for supper, then there was letter-writing to the newspaper.

Later today I'm off to find some yoga pants and a sports bra. I would like to start running again as well, and using the gym at school that I pay 70 dollars a year to use.

Monday, January 4, 2010

January 4

Unexpectedly, today became the first Day of Doing Things since October. What did I do? I started the sketch that Paul [a wonderful zine subscriber who pays me] requested, and wrote a punchy letter to the editor of The National Post. We might see Avatar 3D later, or we might work on the bookshelves we designed for our soon-to-be-amalgamated collection. We are getting married in 130 days.

New Year's Resolution

No break-downs in 2010. Not even one.